After I found out, I spiralled into a dark depression and struggled with thoughts of self-harm and suicide ideation. Prior to that, I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression and experienced self-harm and suicide ideation as a teen. But this time, it was different–I felt completely out of control in my own life so I sought therapy. 

In my first session, I was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder), Clinical Depression, Anxiety Disorder and PTSD. I was then committed to Talk Therapy & Behavioural Therapy--which I went to diligently (2x every week) for months. 

And while this saved my life, it felt like I wasn’t HEALING and eventually I had a mental breakdown that led to me being admitted to the Psych Ward.

I know you must be thinking… This is a lot to share. And you’re right, it is. But my principle is that I will share the unsexy parts of my experience so you can SEE that your experience is normal in the hope that my story will give you hope that rock bottom is not where it ends…

I feel like as Caribbean people we hide a lot in the comfort of silence and secrecy, especially when it comes to mental health. And the result is that people continue to struggle and suffer in silence because they feel ashamed of their experience and they feel alone in it–because no one is sharing. 

But let’s just imagine a world where the human experience of trauma was normalized and held with care and compassion vs judgment and criticism, how different would life be?

I believe that there’s a lot of healing in sharing–even the painful parts and the more we live in silence, the more we live in shame. And I want to change that by de-pathologizing and de-shaming our human experiences. And this is why I share my experiences with you

I do not share from a place of wounding. I have done my work to heal, and who I am today is leaps away from who I was back then, thanks to that work. This is why I believe so much in the healing and transformative power of Somatic Therapy. And it’s also why I share: to give you hope so you know this is not where it ends…

So let’s get back into the story…

As I look back on that experience now (fully cloaked with the gift of healing and hindsight). I know that there was no other way this could have really played out…

In therapy, I was uncovering all the things I had spent my entire life running away from and numbing out: growing up in a home with child sexual abuse, experiencing intimate partner violence in my first relationship, going through an abortion, growing up in poverty, being bullied, experiencing homelessness and displacement, dealing with the infidelity and navigating mental illness…

And I was doing all this while I was in the middle of a narcissistic discard cycle with my ex where I was being gaslighted and manipulated daily—that’s another story for another day (wait until I release my book).

There was so much that was hitting me and I didn’t have the capacity to hold any of it (because my therapist didn’t understand trauma himself and didn’t know how to support my nervous system in building capacity) so my mental stability collapsed and I broke—it felt like nobody understood the pain I was in and I was being blamed for things I was not responsible for (like my ex’s cheating) and had no control over and I just wanted all of it to stop—and sadly, I acted that out.

Being admitted to the mental hospital was hands-down the worst experience of my life!! (far worse than being cheated on tbh) and the way I was treated by the very people who were supposed to help me (the police, the nurses, the counsellors) completely changed my perspective on mental health care in the Caribbean

In my time there, I realized that the mental health system is not designed to support healing and actually creates more harm and I learnt very quickly that nobody was coming to save me so I needed to save myself.

But what hurt the most was that I felt like the only person who could have helped me at that point was the very person who was hurting me and driving me out of my mind. I realized how codependent I was in my marriage and how disempowered I was in my life—emotionally and financially and I knew I needed to change that

I left mental hospital more traumatized than I went in (and I was only there for 20 hours) but from that day forward, I pledged that I was going to heal and then I would teach people how to take care of their mental health proactively (ie, what I was learning in therapy) so they didn’t have to end up like me.

Here's what they don't always tell you: what traditional therapy and psychotherapy refer to as personality disorders and mental illnesses are symptoms of developmental traumas. 

These diagnoses often don't tell the full story of what a person's unique lived experience is and offer a generic method of management that includes behavior modification, medication and exposure therapy that doesn't work for everyone

And while that can be helpful to a certain degree, it does not actually support HEALING and in some cases can cause further harm.

That's why in somatic therapy I don't work with your disorders or your diagnosis. I work with the human in front of me and the nervous system that has supported their survival up until now

But I’m getting ahead of myself…

As I did this work, all my symptoms of BPD, PTSD, Anxiety and Depression VANISHED in a few months!! My confidence and self-worth skyrocketed and I became a different woman at the cellular level. And my progress shocked everyone—including my Psychiatrist—because my recovery literally DEFIED what was written in Psychology textbooks--about mental illness.

And that’s because traditional views of mental health do not understand or acknowledge the inherent trauma that underlies every mental illness. So most practitioners learn to diagnose and treat (pathologize aka medicate) symptoms instead of working with the root cause

My work was addressing the problem at the root: I was dealing with the trauma that was imprinted in my body and I was rewriting the codes in my nervous system and psyche and reversing the coding in my DNA in real-time!! You can read up on the science of Epigenetics.

And when I saw my own results, I decided to put the work to the test!! The teacher in me sat and reverse engineered my entire process and then distilled it into a 6-module curriculum with different formulas and frameworks that pulled on all the facets of healing and modalities of therapy I had explored on my journey 

And then I offered it as a group coaching program for women--and the results of that experiment still shock ME today!! I have now taught this methodology to dozens of women (as a 6-week program, a 4-month experience, a 6-month program and most recently an 8-month healing experience) and every time I run Coding for Confidence™, the results are more and more profound

For one, I see you as a powerful person, not as problem to be fixed!! You are not my patient, you're a client and there is no power dynamic--we are partners in this. Every session is a collaborative experience. It's not my agenda over your needs. In fact, there's no agenda, just pristine space-holding, empowerment and deep somatic healing.

I provide both structure and flexibility for my clients. When you become a private therapy client, you get 3x therapy sessions per month (same day and time every week--and it's suited to YOUR convenience) and you have unlimited access to a library of somatic healing tools plus you get 1x monthly group breathwork therapy session (so you have access to a support community) ANDDD you have direct access to me via WhatsApp for daily coaching and support--because life does not wait for therapy sessions

Because of the amount of support my clients get, they feel safe knowing that I'm there no matter what and that safety allows them to open up to healing on a deeply profound level. I've seen women heals years of trauma in a single session!!

And I think what makes my work and practice so different and so powerful is the fact that it’s not something I learnt in a book. I lived this!! I embody everything I teach!! And I am a walking billboard for the work I do!!

Like I said, I'm not your typical therapist. I do not hold a degree in Psychology. And I'm not gonna lie, for a moment, I did seriously think about getting a second Masters in Psychology so I can get licensure as a clinical therapist…

But I decided not to, because I I do not subscribe to the diagnose and treat approach used in traditional therapy (I think it pathologizes trauma, diminishes your human experience and creates a lot of shame). I prefer a more holistic and integrative approach to healing and I do not want to be tied down by the traditional approach to mental health care 

That does not mean I don't have the credentials for what I do--because I do!!! I simply chose the path of Alternative Education.

And if you must know, I spent 3 years studying to become a certified Somatic Experiencing®  Practitioner, Trauma Specialist and Mental Health Coach and I also hold certificates as a Breathwork Facilitator, Conscious Relationship Guide, Somatic Attachment Therapist and Somatic Sexual Trauma Healing Guide. Plus I have dozens of client testimonials that back up what I do and prove the potency of my work.

A big part of my work (which makes me different from every other therapist you will meet) is that I teach money mastery and financial literacy. 

For me, there is a direct correlation between money and mental health. Money doesn't buy happiness but it establishes a context of financial stability which is necessary for emotional safety to exist in the landscape of modern society. And emotional safety is a prerequisite for healing!!! 

We live in a world where your most basic needs require money which means that when there is a context of scarcity around money, it triggers your survival response and that creates a new wave of trauma

This is why I take my work as a Therapist beyond the therapy chair and advocate for the empowerment and resourcing of Caribbean people through education and entrepreneurship

That is why the ESPOIR mission extends beyond just trauma treatment and into education and empowerment: because I understand the adverse impact of trauma across generations as well as the power of trauma healing in transforming the lived experience and social reality we are exposed to. That’s why I also offer a range of services re: building trauma awareness and mental health education. 

My goal is to bridge the gap between education and embodiment in all spaces. I want to make the resources for mental health care and personal development more accessible by educating people about mental health and changing the narrative that therapy and other forms of mental health care are only for the deranged. I want to use my platform and my voice to de-pathologize trauma and de-shame mental illness so that people have the space they need to heal and truly flourish

You don’t know it yet, but just by being here, you’re joining forces with me on a powerful mission to heal the Caribbean one human at a time. And I’m profoundly excited about this partnership between us.

I sincerely hope you decide to become a part of my little internet village and that you will consider taking your healing with me one step further by signing up for deeper somatic healing work with me.

Cheers to the magic we're about to unleash in the world as we do this healing work together!!

In love and prosperity,

Shervana